|"...Do you squat when you piss? Get down on your knees."|
|"Is your life perfect?"|
|"Hitler would never ground me."|
After another night of high suburban society partying, Mark's parents return home to find his babysitter, shock, lying dead at the foot of the stairs. It must be an accident obviously. I can't imagine how a fat old woman crashing down several hard wood stairs to her scream-filled, terrifying death would in any way wake up people sleeping in other parts of a normal-sized house. I mean, come on. It's not like their kid is twisted or anything. The parents, obviously being as astute as I am, call the police, report the accident and think nothing of it. No seriously, they don't really give a shit about this dead woman at all. Their only concern at this point is getting a babysitter for the next backyard BBQ since Mark's mom doesn't want to miss her not-so-secret sex date with his dad's boss. Oh Mom, you're incorrigible!
|"Come on, Biff, science is fun! Now you try!"|
|Helen's two favorite activities include |
wearing sweaters and sweating in them.
As this night of bad adult decisions wears on, Helen and little sister are having a grand time talking, dancing and feeding the kitten survivor. For some reason, babysitter Helen is not concerned where Mark, the other minor she is responsible for, is. Don't worry girl, he's busy calling the jock who he third degree burned in order to challenge him to a duel. The jock tells Mark that he'll meet him anywhere, anytime to which Mark replies:
Mark: "...Dueler's choice. Pistols or swords?"
Random jock looks confused. Is this some sort of homo lingo? Either way, he decides on switchblades because that's what he's carrying in his pants. Meanwhile, Helen and little sister continue to frolic about the house, enjoying finally being cared about by another human being until Mark crashes the party and starts blasting that darn Nazi music, scaring the shit out of everyone. As Helen confronts Mark in a very passive way, he gets all crazy-eyed. He grabs Helen's purse as she uncomfortably begs him to leave it alone. He then asks her a round of fairly common follow up questions like:
Mark: "...What are you hiding? A dirty book? A picture of your lover? Is it a dyke? It's coke, isn't it? I could tell you were on something."
|"At least his skinning cats at home|
instead of out on the streets."
Ominous People Are Going To Be Killed Music: 4
Helen Getting Crazy-Faced: 7
Times The Collins Mentioned Being In A New Town: 6
Barely Legal Christian Slater Butt Shots: 1
Nazi Music: 8
Dead Bodies: 4
Slo-Mo Slater Shots: 1
Times I Thought, "I Get It, He's Twisted.": 10
Cat Violence: 4