Friday, November 30, 2012

B-Movie Trailer Of The Day

Since today is by definition is November 30, which by logic is the last day of November, the only conclusion to draw from this is tomorrow is INDEED the first day of December!  What does this mean, you didn't ask?  Well, that we can officially get into the horror-ible holiday spirit, of course!!  Though we at TEC, love ourselves some shitty Santa slashers (and God, do we), this year we thought we'd do something a little different and with a little more depth.  That's right, Enemaniacs, this X-mas, we are going to make sure we remember the reason for the season with "Horror-ible Holidays at TEC 2012" focusing on none other than the beloved genre of Godsploitation!  Expect demonic doings, raspy voices, lots of vomit and possible religious awakenings all month long!

To kick off our Horrible Holidays series, we give you the B-Movie Trailer of The Day, 1974 Exorcist rip-off, BEYOND THE DOOR (aka Behind The Door, The Devil Within Her, Who Are You?) starring some swearing ginger children, a swarthy guy in leather and Hayley Mills' sister, Sister Mills!  Prepare to be scared of pregnancy!

Monday, November 19, 2012

The "Nevermind, Rewind" Turd Of The Week

How many cats is too many cats?  Let's say you met someone at a bar, bistro or Barnes & Noble, head back to their place for a night cap (meaning intercourse or a movie, depending on your religious beliefs) and that person happens to live alone and own FOUR cats.  Is that enough to be off-putting?  What about SIX cats?  Is six cats the line you draw in the cat sand?  I suppose everyone is different, but for us at TEC, it's two.  Two is too many cats for a single person to own.  If you don't agree, then you don't realize how bad your apartment smells every time we come over.  It's gross.  What if your hypothetical new found friend owned 1,000 cats?  Like an entire outdoor prison-like courtyard of screaming cats that he/she presided over in a silk bathrobe while his/her crusty butler massaged his/her toes?

What's that you didn't say?  This no longer sounds like a hypothetical real-life scenario, but instead the scripted plot of a Mexican-sploitation horror movie?  Well, then you'd be fairly right.  Some time in 1972, director, Rene Cardova Jr. asked himself this very same cat question and not only did he come up with possibly the least reasonable amount of cats to own, but an entire horror movie plot surrounding this imagined king cat creeper of all cat creeps!  That's right, Enemaniacs.  Get your inhalers ready, for tonight is, THE NIGHT OF 1,000 CATS !  No, really.  If you are allergic, some of the scenes in this movie will make you itch.  You have been warned. 

"Why does it smell like tuna and cat pis... 
ooh, did you say wine?"
With a title and premise like, THE NIGHT OF 1,000 CATS (LA NOCHE DE LOS MIL GATOS), this film clearly and initially and understandably had butt-loads of promise.  Made in glorious and rustic, 1972, but released in the United States in 1974, the plot revolves around a young millionaire playboy named Hugo, who picks up beautiful women and brings them back to his sprawling, ancient estate only to murder them and feed their corpses to his collection of carnivorous cats.  With a story like this, what could go wrong?  He is aided in this nightly endeavor by his face, his helicopter, his sweet motorcycle and his hump-backed, google-eyed old Torgo-esque butler named..."Dorgo," (possibly).  I'm sure there is some sort of metaphor there, but who cares.  When the film opens, Hugo is flying back to his castle in his helicopter with a lovely lady at his side.  This helicopter ride is somehow important to the plot, I'm assuming, because it lasts 12 MINUTES LONG.  We get it.  He has a helicopter.  The woman seems pretty impressed by the helicopter and even more so by the mansion (once they finally land there), but becomes immediately put-off by the mutant butler.  What is he deal and who grows humps anymore?  She inquires about Dorgo and his hump, to which Hugo replies:

Hugo: "...Dorgo is an excellent butler.  He's as obedient and faithful as a cat."

Wait, "obedient" as a cat?  Is that a thing?  Hugo then begins to blabber about his "special" and "unique collection" that will surpass that of all of his ancestors who he refers to as having "...had a mania for collecting."  This is probably when his female guest should be wondering if that collection involves pretty lady skin suits, but sadly for this lady, Hugo is just way too charming and the wine is just way too tasty and beautifully aged so she soon overlooks the clear warning signs of a maniacal murderous millionaire (i.e, a deformed servant, a barely inhabited ancient castle, the mentions of an "unusual collection," the sounds of a beast horde howling for flesh somewhere on the castle grounds, etc.).  Good wine is good wine, you guys.

A couple of sips later, Hugo's guest inquires as to whether anyone else lives in the mansion.  Hugo responds:

Are your eyes itching yet?
Hugo: "...Some very charming and silent guests.  You'll meet them after we've had dinner."

This turns out to be a lie for at least two reasons.  One, she ends up meeting a guest during the dinner, rather than after, when the charmer literally flies out of nowhere and punches her boobs with it's paws, promptly scaring the shit out of her (this scene is mostly hilarious).  Two, "charming" and "silent" are inappropriate and misleading adjectives for a large outdoor cage of 1,000 feral cats.  Of course, our poor dinner guest never does get to meet the cat crew formally.  Instead, she's strangled by Hugo and dismembered, then presumably ground into hamburger meat and thrown off a balcony to be eaten by Hugo's courtyard of scratching, screaming, roommates.  This part of the movie involves the very first cringe-worthy Milo & Otis animal cruelty moment, when Hugo picks up a cat from the ground and CHUCKS IT HARD off of the balcony.  We are shown a long and drawn out Million Dollar Man slow motion scene of a cat, attempting to land on it's feet, but is most likely falling to its death.  Thanks, Mexico.  Afterward, we're treated to another helicopter cat food run that involves Hugo flying over women's houses and backyards, deciding whether or not they would make adequate short lived dinner dates before he makes them dinner...on that date...that he takes them to dinner...just forget it.

Who wouldn't suck down a free
chardonnay from this guy?

This next long helicopter ride of aerial shots and close ups is really where I gave up on this thing.  I was hoping to maybe hold out for the possibility of a large mutant momma cat, genetic cat experiments or perhaps learning what the cat-alyst (ha!) was leading Hugo to a life of cat-related crime, but between these long unnecessary helicopter rides and artsy attempts at cocktail framed face shots like the one to the left, I was reminded why I've always preferred dogs.  If you can make it through this one, let me know if Dorgo turns out to be some inbred-dog-DNA'ed mutant who eventually turns on his master when he falls for one of the kidnapped women who teaches him life isn't meant to be lived on your knees and sacrifices himself when fighting the cat horde to the death to save her and finally destroy his master?  Though that ending would be sexist somehow, I'll be sad if I miss it.                        

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

On The Next Episode of...TEC: LIVES!!!...

"This is a war, not a game...."

Summer's pretty much over and to mourn it's passing, we're going out with an exploitative bang! For the September episode of *The Enematic Cinematic: LIVES!!, we're screening 1990's action-packed, boob-filled, ball-busting, revenge fantasy ridiculousness, BLOOD GAMES starring a bunch of creepy, mistake-making rednecks and a broken down bus full of bad-ass female soft ball players that are ready to settle the score!

Hosted by:
ELICIA SANCHEZ (Comedian/TEC Creator/Lover of Tackiness)
TRAVIS VOGT & KEVIN CLARKE (Comedians/Filmmakers/Major Movie Nerds)
and special guest:
BRANDON IVEY (Humorist/Talk-show Host/Visionary)

PLUS trivia w/prizes from The White Rabbit and Scarecrow Video!! Specially themed drink specials!! And a generally good time!!

We'll also be having an extremely late, but totally necessary birthday celebration for co-host TRAVIS VOGT during the show with even more surprising prizes than usual!!

Doors @ 7:30
Show starts @ 8:00 PM

*Every month at The White Rabbit in Fremont, The Enematic Cinematic LIVES brings you the awesomely fun experience of watching a shitty movie with friends, strangers and booze, combined with a live taping of The Enematic Cinematic Podcast starring you as a live audience person and featuring some of the funniest comics/performers and general randoms off the street in town! COME for the horribly shitty movie w/comedic commentary and STAY for The Enematic Cinematic Podcast taping LIVE! NO COVER!

Sponsored by Scarecrow Video
Produced by Children of the Atom

TEC Podcast: Episode 48: TEC LIVES!: What's Yor Is Mine!

It's the 48th episode of the podcast and the 4th installment of TEC: Lives at The White Rabbit! For this pre-hysterical episode, we and an actual audience sat through the beautiful entirety of 1983's sci-fi/fantasy/pre-historic/action/romance/non-epic YOR, HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE, starring B-movie ranconteur Reb Brown, a bunch of purple cavemen and a Volkswagen bug in a dinosaur suit!  My guests on this live episode include filmmakers/comedians TRAVIS VOGT and KEVIN CLARKE of ClarketheVogt Productions and comedian/actress JENNIFER BURDETTE! Expect tanning tips, butt shots, dino-bashing, the soothing sounds of a bearded woman, ZERO yor mama jokes and Kevin Clarke's BEST. RAP. EVER. 

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*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes! 

TEC Podcast: Episode 47: TEC LIVES!: Can Somebody Bring Me A Shot?

Not only is it Episode 47 of TEC (finally) but it's the very second TEC LIVES! That's right, live on location at The White Rabbit in Fremont in front of an existing and fully functional live studio audience, mostly!  For this episode we screened the marvelously shitastic action flick starring Playmate boobs and cancer snakes, 1987's HARD TICKET TO HAWAII! 1 dead blow up doll, 2 bags of diamonds and 3 cunnilingus comments later, we recorded Episode 47 LIVE w/special guests comedian/Seattle Lust Tour host SARAH SKILLING, Rat City Rollergirl MC/Xtreme Pencil Fighting Ringmaster JAKE STRATTON and comedian/actor/speaker of truths OWEN STRAW!  Expect personal stories about Dolemite, a lacking of coconuts, acid flashbacks, rapping about cancer and the faint noise of the few people that stayed after the movie!

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!

Monday, July 2, 2012

TEC Podcast: Episode 46: Except, Not Really

Bad News Enemaniacs: To anyone that was interested in hearing the long since recorded LIVE episode 46 of The Enematic Cinematic Podcast that was recorded at the first White Rabbit show, well, we had some serious "technical difficulties." Turns out we had an equipment issue we didn't notice during the recording and the audio quality is beyond low. The real bad news is that this was one of my favorite episodes yet and hands down on the table and stuff, THE BEST WRAP RAP EVER RECORDED!

If anyone is interested in hearing this episode, e-mail us at and we'll be happy to send you the sound file. Just be prepared to laugh through a lot of static noise. Good news? This has all been figured out prior to gearing up for our next live show on July 10. You won't want to miss it!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The Enematic Cinematic: LIVES!!! AGAIN!!!

Your guide to the golden garbage of rightfully undiscovered cinema, local film podcast, The Enematic Cinematic, is hosting its very second live show, THE ENEMATIC CINEMATIC: LIVES! May 22, at The White Rabbit (513 North 36th Street) in Fremont! A show that will guarantee to be one of the most terrifying or terrific Tuesday nights of your life probably!

This time around, we will be screening 1988's sucky summertime slasher, CHEERLEADER CAMP aka BLOODY POM POMS, “starring” Lucinda Dickey (Special K from Breakin’), Leif Garret (former 70’s teen heartthrob) and boobs!

Commentary and podcast taping provided by special guests:

-MISS ANITA GOODMANN (adored entertainer and socialite)
-DEREK SHEEN (comic genius, esteemed actor, human hug)
-PAUL MERRILL (comedy vet, prolific writer, maker of merriment) 

The show is absolutely FREE and will feature drink and movie prizes as well as drink specials!

Vern from Ain’t It Cool News and author of Seagalogy: A Story of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal was forced to call The Enematic Cinematic, "...Interesting." while Lindy West of the online site Jezebel  was tricked into referring to it as, "...Cleansing?" Come see for yourself what all the non-fuss is about!

Booze will be drank, jokes will be had and bonds will be broken, it's THE ENEMATIC CINEMATIC...LIVES! Presented by Children of the Atom and sponsored by Scarecrow Video!

Monday, May 7, 2012

TEC Podcast: Episode 45: Totally Awesome Spicy Mayonnaise!

Okay you guys, like totally bag the noise and get ready for Episode 45, with 1983's video arcade sex comedy, JOYSTICKS, starring Uncle Rico, hot dogs, an actress from Surf II and JO DON BAKER!  My guests this episode include my friends and fellow members of my comedy group, Children of the Atom, CORBETT CUMMINS and SCOTT LOSSE! Expect really lame impressions, a shout out to Designing Women, remembering Eco the Dolphin, the secret recipe for Dom DeLuise's spicy chipotle mayonnaise and the phrase "sweet co*k" A LOT.

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!

TEC Podcast: Episode 44: Wasting Away In Margaritaville

Well, this one is going to be uncomfortable.  For Episode 44, we filled our brains with life lessons about sexual identity and milk thanks to 1986's wacky gender mix-up comedy, SOMETHING SPECIAL (aka WILLY/MILLY)! Little tomboy Milly buys some special wishing powder and under a full moon instead of wishing for her period (like a good little girl) she wishes for a wiener! Whoops! What's a girl to do? Here to help me sort out this metaphorical mess are brand new guests, comedians, RICK TAYLOR and JENNIFER BURDETTE! Expect trips to a Las Vegas Margaritaville, mojito lube references, vagina nicknames, Patty Duke, true hot tub confessions and rapping about white boys in wheelchairs!

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*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!   

TEC Podcast: Episode 43: He'd Kill A Baby With A Weapon And Enjoy It!

For Episode 43 we heartily enjoyed on recommendation of previous guest, artist MARC PALM, a bizarre chopsocke karatesploitation buddy cop crime thriller from 1985 involving actual martial arts master, Tadashi Yamashita, a really racist pimp, hijinks and wackiness, SWORD OF HEAVEN!  My guests for this thrill ride include TEC pioneers, filmmakers and humorists, KEVIN CLARKE and TRAVIS VOGT!  Expect conversations about masonry, babies as canon fodder, dick nicknames that will inherit Downton Abbey and another amazing rap battle concerning puzzles and drugs!

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*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes! 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

TEC Podcast: Episode 42: It's Much More Comfortable Down Here

Episode 42 is filled with thrills, spills and...cheese puffs! We watched the shit out of 1985's GRUNT! THE WRESTLING MOVIE, a mockumentary about wrestler Mad Dog DeCurso (Magic Schwarz), the head pop heard 'round the world and a masked maniac! Our wrestploitation turd stars actual wrestlers, made up wrestlers, poodles and Rebecca De Mornay's dad! My guests/fellow beer drinkers are comedians and wrestling "experts" JASON GOAD and OWEN STRAW! Expect straight up RAW conversations about X-Men, Conan commentary, natural cheese, insider wrestling nerd outs and an actual on air chair break!

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!

Owen Straw and my chair have an awkward break up.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The "Nevermind, Rewind" Turd Of The Week

Some kids don't like the real world.  This is a valid thought process, especially for a nerdy youth in the 1980's when the real world was pretty shitty.  In order to cope with the limitations of reality, a lot of nerds retreated into fantasy worlds.  Some of those fantasy worlds involved breaking things and hurting puppies, but for "normal" nerds, their fantasy world was full of ogres, dragons, thieves and rogues.  Yes, I am in fact giving a slow introduction to the fantastical and legendary role playing game, Dungeons & Dragons.  Since some people in the 1980's still believed in God, those weirdo fanatics decided that D&D was harmful to kids and would lead to the warlock witchery corruption of their white youth.  To capitalize on this conspiracy, several straight to video fantasy/horror films were made at the time using the fear of table top gaming and computer game corruption.  Tom Hanks was even in one.  This genre is full of enjoyable cinematic turds.  Unfortunately, turns out, 1983's SKULLDUGGERY is not one of them.

The general plot of this film involves a group of English theater nerds from different age ranges that regularly meet for a table top medieval style game, similar to D&D, but that comes equipped with a giant castle on the board and larger than usual gaming pieces.  Clearly the script writing work of some asshole that has no idea what people really do when they play D&D.  One of the players, a guy named Adam, comes from a long line since medieval times of cursed people.  When a warlock or whatever "curses" his far off ancestors in the opening bit, he basically murders them.  I'm not sure how this lends to a long family curse of the people capable of boning and continuing this blood line are magic murdered, but whatever.  Fantasy.  Anyways, so during the course of the first twenty minutes, Adam and presumably his girlfriend, a fellow and attractive gamer (lies) starts complaining of being so wrapped up in the game, that she hallucinates that she's playing ALL the time.  Like, when they walk down the street and see some kids in knight costumes playing with wooden swords, she imagines she sees knights fighting with swords!  Freaky shit!

More stuff happens introducing character backgrounds and the theater they are a part of, ALL BORING.  Adam starts having visions related to the warlock and some creepy puppet jester that was in the theater.  Then he starts killing people, seemingly possessed by either the warlock or the jester puppet.  I'm not sure and at this point, I didn't care.  The movie doesn't explain much related to this whole "curse" thing and I'm not sure why we're supposed to fear the possibility of role playing possessing us to murder since all we have to do is not be the descendent of a line of English people cursed by a warlock.  Seems easy enough.  Also, the characters are so dry and boring and the kills suffer from theatrical music, but no b-movie gore.  This movie clearly attempted to be good, as in Masterpiece Theater episode good.  Just one of it's many downfalls.  I'm sure there were more, but I turned it off.            

Shock'Em Dead (1991)
Dir. Mark Reed
Genre: Rock n' Roll Horror

"...Every fuckin' retard thinks he's a rock star."

Turns out, the Devil, as in, Satan, totally loves hair metal.  A lot.  This is a safe assumption I've made based on several debatable facts I've learned from straight to tape movies.  This is where most facts are safely hidden.  Seriously, the Devil obviously loves hair metal so much that he's willing to teach a lot of people how to shred an axe/play guitar good in exchange for their drunken, bandana-laden and extremely flammable souls.  The logical conclusion to be taken here is there must be awesome free rock shows in Hell.  Although, since it's hell, they probably charge some really shitty cover at the door.  Anyways, there have been a bevy of b-movies about the satanic art of rock, especially in the 80's when hair metal was at it's height of unironic goodness.  With so many amazing shitty satanic rock movies to choose from, 1991's SHOCK EM' DEAD has a few things that makes it stand out from the average bargain bin video pack.

A.  It's seems like the 80's, but it's the 90's.
B.  Co-stars recent porn retiree, Traci Lords.
C.  There is a lot of neon green slime in it.
D.  It is actually pretty good.

"So my penis has like, three heads."
SHOCK EM' DEAD has everything thing you could want from a shitty rock n' roll hell film.  Boobs, the aforementioned neon slime, puke takes, boobs, blatant racial insensitivity, zombies, women's blouses passed as bad ass male rock t-shirts (see Rock n' Roll Nightmare (1987), a hot tub, giant wigs, double headed guitars, ladies boobs, awful music, scenes in a pizzeria and murders!  Tons of murders.  Plus, the devil!  Plus, a possibly gay disco queen lead singer who dispenses amazingly shitty one-liners!  SOLD.

Martin decides eating soul dust
has to taste better than cheese bread.
In case you skipped the trailer, SHOCK EM' DEAD tells the story of this guy Martin (Stephen “The Fight Professor” Quadros).  Martin is a nerdy guy that wants to become a rock star.  The only thing in Martin's way is his brokeness, his aforementioned nerdiness and his inability to play guitar.  The only naked ladies he sees is his co-worker when she changes bras in the break room through a peep hole he carved in the wall.  Sad and a little rapey.  He even attempts to try out for a local "rocking" band, Spastique Kolon, (with aforementioned disco queen singer) whose band manager happens to be boner-inducing Lindsay (Traci Lords) and get's completely shit on.  These circumstances would normally crush the Motley Crue inspired rock dreams of most thirty somethings working at a pizzeria and attempting to learn the guitar in order to have sex with people, but luckily for Martin, he happens to have an run in with a random racist stereotype of a voodoo lady that knows the witchery of the Devil.  The Devil.  She senses Martin's rock n' roll plight with her voodoo powers and makes a deal with him.  He will become a rock god, but he has to sell his soul.  Since Martin has clearly already sold his soul to the corporate machine, he has no qualms with this.  Voodoo lady then stabs him in the chest, causing one of soon to be many moments of neon green slime to ooze from something.  Martin screams in pain and opens his eyes to find he's in some weird cheap Thriller music video set where he bares witness to a faceless large haired man playing a two-headed guitar while ladies stroke his legs and stuff.  Also, there is fog.  Lots of fog.  What the fuck is going on?!? 

"Hey.  I'm here to pick up
your daughter, Traci."
Suddenly, Martin wakes up in a somewhat expensive looking Hollywood Hills home with two half naked ladies laying in bed with him.  What the what?!?  Also, they're pretty cute.  Huh?  And he has lots of hair and piercings now.  Get out!  Plus, he totally knows how to shred on the guitar, like, HARD.  Holy shit!  He's a rockstar now!  A rockstar of the Devil!  The girls clue Martin in on a couple catches that have come with his new wig and penis.  Pros, he's a rich rockstar with endless funds, guitar playing abilities and a hot tub!  Plus, his wardrobe is full of pre-ripped tees and leather pants and his new lady friends sold their souls to the Devil in order to be beautiful, so their purgatory is to have sex with him until the end of time!  Party!  The cons are as follows, first con, he's actually totally dead.  Second con, in order to stay "alive," he'll need to regularly murder people and breathe in their neon green mist/soul.  Third con, his true self will be revealed in reflective objects, so, avoid those!  Pretty sure all these things are worth have hot tub sex with Traci Lords.  Or, at least in 1987 it would have been.

Sometimes hangin' with Angel is fun.
  Sometimes he has too many Grasshoppers.
  It's really embarrassing.
Martin, now going by his new good guitar playing name, Angel (get it), uses his new found Devil rock powers to try out for Spastique Kolon again (aka Devil induced nerd revenge) and not only does he get the gig for the upcoming Battle of the (40 year olds) Bands, he ends up replacing and soul sucking the spazzy lead singer!  Plus, he pukes green ooze on the crowd at the show for some reason.  This is not explained.  Anyways, thus begins the rockin' rampage of Angel and his angels who throw the most killer house parties in town!  Cause they eat people.  As Angel starts killing off strangers and rivals left and right, he also attempts to woo Lindsay (Lords) away from her douchey beau, the always overlooked, band bass player.  After several deaths and awkward moments in which Angel refuses to eat pizza with them, the band gets suspicious and realize he's a Devil person!  Sadly, for actual nerd Martin/Angel and his groupie club made of actual burn victims and cancer patients, since the whole Devil deal thing and murdering people essentially overshadows their initial good intentions, they are all defeated/sent back to hell by Lindsay and her boyfriend.

Traci awakes from one of her many
ongoing Ron Jeremy nightmares.
SHOCK 'EM DEAD is essentially a documentary about bullying and what it can lead to.  I mean, Martin would have never made that deal with the Devil if he wasn't tormented so badly, right?  It's actually a very sad statement about the lack of acceptance in the society we live in.  Thankfully, it is also filled with green slime, big hair and naked boobs, so who cares!!  Just remember, it's better to accept who you are rather than make deals with the Devil.  Hopefully for you that person is already Traci Lords!                  

Shitty Rock Song Covers:1
Breast Implants: 3
Half Shirts: 5
Pepperoni Peep Holes: 1
Zombies: 2
Double Guitars: 2
Glowing Green Eyes: 10
Actual Electric Shocks: 1
Boobs: 6
Air Guitar On Real Guitar: 9
Guitar Play Face: 2
Dead Bodies: 4
Puke Scenes: 3
Dildo Drills: 1

Monday, February 20, 2012

Saturday, February 18, 2012

TEC Podcast: Episode 41: Nobody's Meaner Than A Beaner

For Episode 41, we gritted our teeth and clenched our fists through half-assed racist action drama, 1989's GHETTO BLASTER, which taught us that it takes a prankster to bring down a gangster!  Sadly, no ghettos were harmed in the making of this right wing wet dream.  Along for the ride were returning guests, comedian CORBETT CUMMINS and artist/Scarecrow Video employee ALEX THOMAS! Expect police sirens, broken dreams, cat raps and horrible parenting!

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

TEC Podcast: Episode 40: Welcome To The Ice Age

It's a brand new snowed in, claustrophobic, wine soaked episode of TEC, where in the spirit of the current Seattle snow storm, Producer Mark (aka Mark Allender) and myself decided to have our very own special episode to kill the time alone with each other! The shitty movie on deck for the night is appropriately, 1991's COOL AS ICE starring Vanilla Ice and other people! Prepare to hear several racist black-cents, the loss of teenaged innocence, a genuine moment of horror and another one of my unnecessary stories in over sharing!

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!

Friday, January 20, 2012

B-Movie Trailer Of The Day!

Happy SNOW DAY Enemaniacs!  This is what we've been watching over at TEC while trapped in our apartment.  While incredibly 90's and shitty, it has really helped calm our misplaced anger towards all the douche bags snowboarding down the hill/street outside our window.  Skate or die Shred till you're dead, bra!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Rewind This!, a documentary about the history and culture surrounding VHS tapes, distribution, art and nostalgia, is currently in the post-production stage! Created from the brains and tireless work of Josh Johnson, Carolee Mitchell and Christopher Palmer of Austin, TX based IPF Productions, this upcoming definitive documentary about the home video cinema includes interviews with Cassandra Peterson (better known as Elvira!), Lloyd Kaufman (Founder of Troma Entertainment!), Charles Band (Founder of Full Moon Features) and more!
Carolee, Josh and Christopher
with Troma founder, Lloyd Kaufman!

If you have some extra change lying around, I suggest you make a donation to help this film into completion rather than a donation to your local McDonalds. Why am I pushing this so hard? Well obviously I love shitty movies and I love shitty movie art and I love shitty movies and shitty movie art on VHS. So hard.  Check out the trailer.  It will make you happy.

Oh and also I forgot to mention, I'm totally interviewed co-representing Scarecrow Video and The Enematic Cinematic in this documentary too!  You're welcome!

Douchebaggery is finally
properly portrayed on your silver screen!
P.S. Unless my scenes are completely cut, which is LIKELY, TEC will be featured it all it's glory in the finished product!  What is for sure is that for now, I'm TOTALLY in the trailer!

TEC Podcast Episode 39: Thank You For Your Service

Happy New Year's Enemaniacs!  Just for you guys we threw together a special New Year's Eve episode full of blow job jokes, a giant cheese bowl, violent assaults, a scandalous story (not really) about "actor" Andy Dick and discussions about the difference between consent and permission!  We stayed awake (most of us) through the entirety of 1987's British horror film, BLOODY NEW YEAR about a bunch of shipwrecked British teens sort of stranded at a ghost hotel that is perpetually stuck in a New Year's Eve haunted party triangle.  Stayed awake!  My guests are returning friend of TEC, comedian, EMMETT MONTGOMERY, visiting from New York, comedian DANIEL CARROLL and friend of comedy/Dan's childhood friend, ex-marine, PETER TRAN!  Might want to keep your mace handy for this one.

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!

TEC Podcast Episode 38: Choosy Ladies Choose JIFF

For the last Christmas episode of 2011, our shitty movie of the evening was double the fun since it was a shitty rip-off of another shitty movie!  It's the 1998 lowest budget version of almost every Christmas movie ever made, the straight to DVD non-heart-warming holiday masterpiece, DEAR SANTA starring Santa's Village of Sacramento, CA and the scripts of The Santa Clause, one of the versions of A Christmas Carol and A Christmas Story, respectively.  My guests for this episode include comedians, ROSALIE GALE and JESSICA STRAUSS!  Expect holiday music, owl rapping and I pose the eternal would you rather question, peanut butter or penis?

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!

TEC Podcast Episode 37: They'll Think We're A Couple Of Gays!

It's our first horrible holiday TEC episode of 2012 and in the spirit of the reason for the season or whatever, for Episode 37, we drank our way through bloody British Santa slasher, DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS!  Made in 1984 and coming all the way from the land that invented dry humor and slavery!  My guests include artist/fellow Scarecrow Video employee, MARC PALM and comedian CORBETT CUMMINS!  Expect fart barn shout outs, a London Dungeon, Charlie Brown Hip Hop beats and obviously SPOT ON British accents!

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!

TEC Podcast Episode 36: It's Blood And It's Coming From No Where!

It's THANKSGIVING at TEC and to celebrate we broke open some corner store wine, cream cheese and crackers and sat through 1983's Native-sploitation revenge flick, SCALPS! A group of twenty-something hippies set out to illegally gather Native artifacts in the desert for college "research" and low and behold, the Native American puppet ghosts and cat faced people in the area aren't having it! My guests for this decapitating, drum thumping episode are comedic writer/professional organizer, MICHELE COLYN and comedian BEN UDASHEN! Expect dad conversations, rapping over Native drumming, a fried bread song, revelations on Tim McGraw and an on air temper tantrum.  Happy Thanksgiving Enemaniacs!!!

TEC Podcast Episode 35: You Can't Have Ice Cream Without Whipped Cream

First of all, we need to have a moment of silence for hip hop legend, Heavy D.  Then you should listen to Episode 35 where guest comedians, DAN DUARTE and DEVIN BADOO and I sat through horror/heavy metal film BLACK ROSES from 1988 about demons posing as a rock band to steal teenage small town souls starring denim and mustaches!  Expect several tributes to Heavy D, conversations on Nutter Butters, raps about demons and serious amounts of insensitivity regarding obesity!  Yay!

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!

TEC Podcast Episode 34: It's Okay, I Found The Wine

It's a special Halloween-themed Episode 34 of TEC recorded before Halloween and posted promptly on November 1st! We watched possibly one of the most BORING movies I've ever seen and definitely the WORST Halloween-themed movie I've ever seen, 1982's TRICK OR TREATS. My guests for this episode are comedians and Delicious Mediocrity co-hosts, DEREK SHEEN and DOUGLAS GALE! Expect spooky sounds, weed-fueled chit chat about Steve Perry and a fist pumping true story about Judas Priest front man, Rob Halford!

*This and all TEC Podcast episodes are available on our Podbean site and on iTunes!