|Ew, who beefed?|
|Okay Tommy, truth or dare?|
Anyway...back to the list...so here are some of my favorite random killer camp/summer slasher flicks not a whole hell of a lot of people have seen. Seek and enjoy.
Cheerleader Camp (1988)
Cheerleader Camp, which was originally titled Bloody Pom Poms (SO much better), stars Betsy Russell (Avenging Angel), Lucinda Dickey (Breakin' 1 and Electric Bugaloo), Leif Garrett (rehab and the seventies) and eventual porn star Teri Weigel (Anal Obsession, American Bukkake 7). The story is fairly simple, cheerleaders, one of their boyfriends and a funny fat guy go to cheerleading camp so they can lay around in bikinis, have sex with each other and pass the spirit stick which is just having more sex with each other. None of that happens in this movie except the bikinis part. Alison (Russell) is plagued by strange nightmares in which she murders people. After she arrives at camp, people start being murdered. Is Alison the killer? Is Leif Garrett balding in high school? Spoiler alert: The answer to one of those questions is yes.
If it's not fairly obvious, I love horror movies. Especially if they cost $1. I purchased Berserker (aka: Berserker: The Nordic Curse, to avoid confusion from fanboys) from my local Hollywood Video when they were clearing out their VHS section. Turns out, it has nothing to do with Wolverine killing people and everything to do with Vikings. Okay, not everything. The premise is teenage or twenty somethings decide to vacation at a campground one of them went to a lot as a kid. The campground is owned by full-of-the-ol'-gee-whiz Pappy. Pappy is Norwegian. This only matters because at some point, he tells some old timey urban legend about a Viking warrior that wears a bear poncho and kills people. Sometimes you should listen to old people. Especially if the story involves Vikings and knives. Sidenote: Pappy is played by veteran in everything character actor, George "Buck" Flower. He also plays "Pop" in Cheerleader Camp.
Blood Lake (1987)
Oh, old man maniac, you slay me! Too soon? Anyway, so a group of teenagers, some younger than fifteen, somehow are allowed to go camping unsupervised by parents. This turns out to be good for the parents since if they had come along, they only would have been stabbed anyway. This gem is filmed on a hand-held video camera so don't bother playing it on your HD VCR. I'm pretty sure the stars of this film, including the break out child actor portraying "Tony," never went on to become legitimate porno stars like Teri Weigel, (see Droppin' Loads 2) but sometimes in this business you just don't got it. If you like water skiing and steak knives, check out Blood Lake (getting 12 year-olds drunk since that time they made it).
Edge of the Axe (1988)
Turns out, horror movies rip off other horror movies. This happens a lot, but it's hard to avoid when almost everything has been done (until Human Centipede). Rather than hurting your brain meats being creative, it's easier to just stick with a formula you know works. Everyone is scared of a dude in a mask with an axe, right? This movie was sort of a rip-off coleslaw of both Halloween and Friday the 13th. The watchable difference with this rip-off is it opens with a lady getting axed to death in a car wash. Watch worthy. The story surrounds one summer in a peaceful little do-nothing town where the all American citizens are being cut up by an axe-wielding maniac, but WHO is it? Is it the twitchy sheriff? The bartender's daughter? The escaped lunatic? Or the scantily-clad man-voiced female bar patron? Who knows. What I do know is this movie has talking computers that invented instant messaging before it was invented. Edge of the Axe just may have broken new ground in computer technology! Also, there is a good twist ending (unlike Signs) I never saw coming.
The Willies (1990)
So technically this film is not a traditional killer camp/summer slasher. People are killed though and poodles are microwaved. You actually may have seen this one, the toilet monster in it scared the shit out of me as a kid, and there are a couple well-known actors. The Willies stars
The Mosquito starts with the crash landing of an alien ship in s possibly national park somewhere in America. An average earthling mosquito decides to suck the alien blood from a dead, or I guess just dying, alien's arm. Instead of the dead alien becoming Zombie Mosquito Man doing whatever a Zombie Mosquito Man can, the mosquito becomes a giant alien killer mosquito and begins sucking buckets of blood out of camping tourists! Then more mosquitoes suck more mutating alien blood and more tourists get drained! The film stars Gunnar Hansen better known as the original "Leatherface" of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series and some other people. Some of the jokes are actually funny and the mosquito puppet is surprisingly good plus, alien mutant blood!
There you have it. Now, instead of doing outdoorsy active things in that burning bright warmth called "the sun", stay cool indoors with a refreshing brew and enjoy these delightful turds available (probably not) at a video store near you.
|Like a fine wine.|