I acquired this gem in a very random way. My dad actually saw this at a yard sale and instead of buying it for my mom who might have appreciated it on a serious level, he decided to buy it for me because he thought that I quote, "...would find it funny." Funny is quite the understatement for the heinous brilliance that is 1993's Fabio: A Time For Romance. Toted as the "first video romance novel" (and unfortunately the last), Fabio: ATFR is pretty much some asshole's sexist idea of soft core porn for hetero-housewives...and it's awesome. The movie starts with an introduction from Fab himself in a white tux, holding a single red rose. Is your pussy wet yet ladies?!?

In one story he is viking paddling along a river in Wisconsin the English coast when he comes upon some community theater actor practicing fencing a young British farmer who challenges him to a duuuel. Just when the nearly naked Fabio is about to run the boy through with his tin foil sword cutlass, the boy's attractive sister intervenes and begs Fabs to take her life and spare her brother's. He agrees, but low and motherfucking behold y'all! Instead of stabbing her to death, he tells the boy to fetch a priest to...what what, marry them! Okay. At this point, I assume you are overcome with ecstasy ladies, but wait, keep your pants on. There's more!

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"...cahm flye wit mae, lehts sahl awaye." |
The last story in the bunch involves the novelist herself. She falls asleep and dreams she is a simple "school teacher" who falls in love with a gorgeously rich Italian Count (Fabio, obvs). However will they stay together? He's high society and she's like, totally middle class! Thankfully, (SPOILER) Fabio has a solution and guess what, hold onto your vaginas ladies, he proposes marriage (again)! Not only that, but he offers to whisk her away from her boring average life of child education to live with him in his expensive Italian villa! Squirt!
Just when you think this tape is over and you're pretty much maxed out on orgasms, it ends with not one, but TWO final twists! If you like unintentionally hilarious hunkage, man meat and of course, romance, you must find a copy of Fabio: A Time For Romance. Not only for your own sexual spiritual re-birth, but to keep love alive!
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