Sunday, October 31, 2010

Campy Horror Movies That (Probably) Won't Creep You Out

In case you just so happen to be the type that prefers camp over creep, here are some of my favorite horror movies you can watch alone and not feel the need to lock a door. 

House (Hausu-original Japanese title) (1977)

This wacky acid-trip of a Japanese ghost horror movie is possibly one of the most bizarre things you will ever see.  It tells the story of a young girl who upon finding out that her widowed father is planning to marry his new girlfriend, decides to spend a summer with her deceased mother's sister who she has never met.  She invites along a group of her wacky schoolmates, all with personality defining nicknames such as Kung Fu (who knows kung fu), Fantasy (who imagines things a lot) and Prof (who wears glasses).  Her Aunt's mansion is old and beautiful and the girls are excited to settle in for a summer in the country side, that is until bizarre shit starts to happen.  This includes dancing skeletons, puking paintings and a floating severed head.  This movie is a must see.  Prepare for some of the weirdest film making your eyeballs have ever witnessed. 


Monster Club (1980)
Definitely one of my all time favorite movies, The Monster Club stars veteran horror actor Vincent Price, aka Vince the Prince and/or Vinnie the P as aging vampire Eramus who after attacking a fellow elderly on the streets of London, realizes that the man is none other than R. Chetwynd-Hayes, his favorite horror novelist (played by fellow horror veteran, John Caradine).  After many apologies and assurances he only drank enough of R.'s blood for sustenance rather than for vampiric transformation, he invites the author to his favorite local haunt in order to repay him.  R. agrees in the hopes of meeting some of his writing subjects up close and personal so he may use the valuable information in later novels.  They head over for an evening at the aptly titled, Monster Club where Eramus tells R. three separate tales involving different monsters.  One a film director that stumbles upon a real-life village of ghouls, one about two con artists that attempt to steal from a wealthy Shadmock (a ghoul hybrid) and one goofy story involving a boy growing up with a vampire for a father and which also stars Donald Pleaseance.  The stories are broken up in between with musical performances at the club such a new wave vampire band that sings, "I'm Just a Sucker For Your Love" and a stripper who strips down to her bones.  It's pretty fucking awesome.  If you can find the Thriller Video version with Elvira as the host, it's even better!   


The Suckling (1990)

Not based on a true story nor any logical form of science, I'm not sure if this movie has a subtle political motive behind it, either way it's still pretty hilarious.  The Suckling tells the story of a teenage couple who visit a back alley abortion clinic which also happens to be in a whore house.  The girl chickens out last minute, so her boyfriend naturally drugs her and has the abortion performed while she is out.  Nice.  The fetus is dropped down the toilet where it comes in contact with toxic waste and rises back out of the toilet, into the whore house and begins to kill everything in it's path.  It even eventually envelops the entire place in it's own giant womb.  Whatever your thoughts on the whole abortion thing, this is pretty great stuff.  Funnier to me even, is that when you type this film into IMDb, it suggest the movie Juno as another film you may want to watch.  Ha!


Frankenhooker (1990)
This wacky sci-fi rom com is about Jersey medical school drop out Jeff, who is obsessed with the possibility of reanimating the dead and is given the golden opportunity when his fiancee is accidentally mauled to death by his own invention, a remote-controlled lawn mower.  He decides to try and bring his lady love back from the dead and in order to do so, keeps her severed head alive until he can find the perfect body.  He eventually settles on the body parts of hookers whom he kills by tempting them with a "super crack" drug he invented which causes them all to explode.  Unfortunately, after his new girlfriend is stitched up, her body parts are up to their old "tricks" (pun) and Jeff must find her and stop her from selling her new body on the street, which by the way, accidentally kills dudes with it's electrified limbs.  Not only that, but he has a really buff pimp on his tale and the police.  What is a wacky Jersey scientist to do?  


Bio-Zombie (1998)

Hong Kong's very own Dawn of the Dead, Bio-Zombie is about two losers who spend their days hocking cheap electronics at their local mall and then are suddenly thrust into the midst of a zombie invasion.  A government weapon disguised as a simple soft drink, actually contains bio-chemical weapons that turn whoever drinks it into flesh-eating zombies.  Our two mall rats come across a car accident where the victim is carrying the brief case with the drink.  Thinking he needs something to drink, the two idiots force the drink down the man's throat who eventually becomes a zombie and follows them back to the mall.  Then, not surprisingly, mall goers start dropping and then rising left and right and it's up to our two non-heroes to get out alive along with the girls they both have a boner for.  Full of martial arts and wacky moments including a video-game type intro for the characters when they battle the zombies, Bio-Zombie is a fun and different sort of zombie movie with plenty of random laughs and a surprisingly dark ending.

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark  (1988)

This campy horror comedy is possibly my favorite movie of all time.  Elvira, Mistress of the Dark is the big-screen debut of horror hostess, Elvira (aka Cassandra Peterson) who while in dire need for money to fund her upcoming Vegas show, coincidentally hears of her Great Aunt Morgana's death and journeys to the small town of Falwell, Massachusetts in the hopes of gaining a large inheritance.  Unfortunately, not only does her car break down forcing her to stay in the quaint boring ass town, but she learns her only inheritance is a shitty old house, a poodle and a family recipe book.  Her Great Uncle Vincent, a pretty smarmy devilish dude, seems rather perturbed he did not receive the book himself and tries to persuade Elvira to sell it.  Initially she agrees, but after discovering her mother and aunt were actually witches and her mother was killed by Vincent in order to obtain the recipe book (which is actually a book of ancient spells), Elvira refuses, starting a battle with the powerful Vincent.  Not only does our lovely heroine have to deal with a creepy warlock of a Uncle, but the Morality Club of Falwell is fixing to get her out by any means necessary.  Stew pot monsters, sexual innuendos and boobs galore!  Okay, maybe the boobs are covered most of the time, but Elvira not only raps in the film, but she also performs her famous nipple tassel twirling routine!  Sold!  This movie was a staple at every slumber party I ever had growing up.  No wonder girls started thinking I was a lesbian once I hit middle school.

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